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I think on December 21 all the power companies should shut off the power for like 10 minutes just to make people flip out.
I learned most of what I know about dropping pianos on people from cartoons.
I bet my road rage would be taken more seriously if I spoke German
As the day goes on, coworkers start appearing more flammable.
I wish we had staff meetings in the garden. The plants would`ve love the fertilizer.
A plus side to being my friend is that you can come to my house in your pajamas and I won’t judge you because I too will be in my pajamas.
“100 Calorie Packs” roughly translated means “Eat Two or Three of These”
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
There`s nothing sadder then the look on my dogs face after he hears something hit the floor and discovers it`s only lettuce :(
If my memory gets any worse I`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like.
I`m on a whiskey diet. So far I`ve lost 3 days.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.