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I love long legs.... Long sexy legs..... But not on a Spider, I hate long sexy legs on a Spider.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Then go find somebody whose life gave them vodka and throw a party.
Mom: How are your grades this semester? Me:.... Mom:.... Me: Mother what`s important is that we have our health
The recipe said "prick with a fork,",,,, but enough about me.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
I was gonna call you... but I`m still sober.
Traffic would be awesome if we all drove hamster balls.
Not trying to be racist or ignorant but... seriously, all crocodiles and alligators look alike.
I wonder who was the first person to see an egg come out of a chicken`s booty and think..."I`m gonna eat that!"
That akward moment you try and deep throat a banana and get caught ... and your a dude.
Your pants say yoga but your a$$ says McDonalds!!
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
It’s amazing how easily “I have 10 minutes to waste before I need to leave” accidentally turns into “oh crap I’m running late.”
There are two types of people I can`t stand. Nosy people, and people who won`t tell me what`s going on.
I have nothing!