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My mom put shredded carrots in our Jello, so don`t tell me about your rough childhood.
Some days I’d like to take a chainsaw and cut a few branches off my family tree.
My wife even says "NO" in her sleep. The force is strong with this one.
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I’m still looking.
If you need some help at Home Depot and are being ignored, get on one of their step ladders
My mom wanted to talk to me about my maturity today, but she didn`t know the password to my secret fort.
Lol at birds that walk places.
This girl is ignoring me like a check engine light.
I got up this morning and think I saw my shadow. I´m going back to bed for six weeks.
I`m uncomfortable sharing my feelings with you but completely comfortable standing next to a complete stranger while urinating. - Guys.
I finally saw Kung Fu Panda. I`m certainly not an expert, but I thought the nunchuck scene looked kind of fake.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
People who learned a bunch of stuff must have felt pretty stupid when Wikipedia came out.