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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
Women can brutally and methodically destroy your life. But they let you see their tits along the way so it`s totally cool.
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Give a fish some bread and he`ll eat for a day. Teach a fish to be a flying piranha and he`ll eat for a lifetime.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Before you judge me, know that I don`t give a crap. Ok, go ahead.
Donald Trump`s hair saw its shadow. We have six more weeks of protesting.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
Hiding the bank statement from your husband is the adult version of hiding your report card from your parents.
Sarcasm is wasted on the idiots who inspire it.
Shot my first turkey today...scared the crap out of everyone in the frozen food section. It was awesome!
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?
The only way to communicate with a drunk person is to get hammered too.