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not to brag but I finished this 14 day diet in 3 hours and 38 minutes.
SPOILER ALERT: Rice cakes do not contain any actual cake.
The best neighbors are the ones you never see.
I would watch tennis more often if they replaced the ball boys with untrained golden retrievers.
I like having an ex ...it gives me something to do on Facebook at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes, in life, all you really need is a lot of money.
All`s not lost my Friends. It won`t be long til people realize Selfie Sticks also make wonderful lightning rods......
I wish I had the confidence of a male flight attendant
If you want to see exactly how angry a person can get, tell them to "calm down" when they`re already pissed off.
Where is the "Made In China" labels made?
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
The only b word you should call a woman is beautiful. B!tches love to be called beautiful.
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
No matter how many gross facts you tell me about McDonald’s I’m still gonna eat it.