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Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
Telling my kids that the Titanic sunk because Jack and Rose had sex before marriage
My favorite flavor of ice cream is yes.
Just ordered a Fitbit and my bank called to see if my card was stolen.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
My moral in life is simple. You treat me good and I`ll treat you better.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
there is no strong beer, only weak men
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
If cartoons can wear the same clothes everyday then so can I, dammit!
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
The problem with rich people is I`m not one of them.
Buys Mega-Millions ticket. Has a better chance of being hit by lightning in a cave.
I don`t care if you wear footie pj`s or sleep with a Snuggie. If you swish Listerine in your mouth for the full 30 seconds, you are BADA$$.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis