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“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then you don’t deserve me at my best” literally translates to “I’m a loud, sloppy drunk.”
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
There`s no time like the present to make a positive change in your life ... or to take a nice nap
It`s a shame that stupidity can`t be converted into a usable energy source.
There are two ways to go about arguing with a woman and neither one works.
’twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, everyone was screaming ... cuz I went into the wrong house.
If you`re a girl and you drink Vodka... there`s a high probability, I love you.
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
People keep mistaking my "wow"s for compliments.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
If you`re wondering about who the oldest James Bond was, don`t google `old man bond age`
I have said it before. I will at it again. If anyone is into wife swapping. I will take a dirtbike or a puppy. Hit me up.
You can get super human strength when put in life or death situations. Last night I uncorked a bottle of wine with my teeth during a tantrum...
Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.