Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who go jogging, you realise we have cars now, right?
I hope someone I hate hears their first Christmas song this year in October.
Whenever I see someone in a Smart Car, I expect to see a kid with a remote control nearby.
If you don`t have anything nice to say I would probably enjoy spending time with you
Netflix is soo much better than going out and pretending to like people.
No, I would not like to know what fruit my body is shaped like.
I`m home by myself this evening. My wife is out at Kohl`s buying another load of laundry.
I’ve never had angry sex. I’m always happy and quite surprised that it is actually happening.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
"2, 4, 6, 8!! Ride my face let`s fornicate!!!" And with that, HR banished me from all future employee picnics.
Half of me is a hopeless romantic. And the other half of me is, well, an asshole.
So you mean to tell me a stress ball isn`t for throwing at people who stress you out?
A dirty mind is f*cking beautiful!
True Story: People will believe you when start a story saying "True story"
If you needed to wear camouflage in a gingerbread house, would you wear ginger snaps?