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This town has more white trash in it than a dumpster behind a paper plate factory
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
You have your whole life to be an a$$hole...are you trying to use it all up in one day?
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
The girl in the car next to me is totally checking me out. I think she likes me. After I`m done picking my nose, I`m gonna smile and wave.
POLITICS; from `poly` meaning `many and `Tics` meaning blood-sucking creatures. Just sayin`
Teacher: Why are you late!? Me: There was a man who lost a $100 bill..Teacher: That’s nice. Were you helping him look for it? Me: No, I was standing on it until he f*cked off.
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
I just found out my smoke detector comes with a warranty. WHAT FOR? If it don`t work, what`s left?
Me: My bed is so warm and cosy. I never want to leave. Bladder: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Why does no one ever talk about where a bear pees?
My mind has a mind of its own.
If you want to pick up girls ....Keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
This post was going to be really funny but I didn`t write it down because I was totally sure I`d remember it.