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How to win an argument. 1. Have a vagina. 2. That’s it. 3. You win. 4. Congratulations.
You`re only limited by your own imagination! And money. And talent. And genetics. And time. And other people. Go for it!
When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
Saw a Mime doing his gig. I reached into my purse and pretended to throw money in his hat.
If I could have anything in the world it would be to have the same finger prints as my enemy
You look like you only got about 5 of your 8 hours of beauty sleep last night...
Your so lazy you should have a Life Alert bracelet that says I`m Just Napping.
When I die I want Charlie Sheen’s life to flash before my eyes.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Of course everyone deserves a 2nd chance, but I gave yours to someone else.
Hell hath no fury like a woman who just said "seriously?" after a comment you made during an argument.
There is 1 mosquito in my apartment. I have 50 bullets. Let`s dance.
Rest area restrooms are weird. The guy in stall next to me has four feet.