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I want my next girl to be crazy but more "Lets have sex in public" crazy rather than "I throw hot coffee in your face" crazy.
I really wish Walmart had a 10 teeth or more line...
Apparently, I did not use enough a$$hole repellent today
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
Comment if you think I`m normal... Like this if you think I`m crazy... Copy this if you know your crazy too! And if your me... OMG TURKEY SQUIRREL! :)
When I see a cute couple making out I yell, ” I knew you’re seeing somebody else!” and run crying.
If I drop my food on a plane, and we change time zones at the same time, do I receive an additional hour to the 5 second rule?
I thought there was a spider on the rug, but it was just some yarn. It’s dead yarn now, though.
New marital Status update : Taken, but only for GRANTED
If we ever travel thousands of light years to a planet inhabited by intelligent life, let’s just make patterns in their crops and leave.
I`m more indecisive than a John in a brothel with gold credit card.
Thought I saw a kangaroo today but turned out to be a greyhound having a dump !
Honey, tact is for people who aren`t witty enough to be sarcastic.
Twitter is proof that people should not be allowed to name themselves.