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I judge how safe an area is by the number of lit letters on the Waffle House sign.
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
It`s not really stalking if you don`t catch me doing it.
I Googled, “Who gives a sh!t?” and I was not in the search results.
You know you`re getting old when you fall down and wonder what else you can do while you`re down there.
When do you take 5 hr energy? Right when I get off work ..12am!..beer here I come!
Just once I would like to see a liars pants actually catch on fire
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
I`ll always be here for you ... Unless we run out of beer, and someone has some over there. Then I`ll be over there for you.
The light does go out in the fridge ... Now I have to wait for someone to let me out.
Constantly losing socks in the laundry but finding change. So logically there has to be a sock fairy.
what do you mean booze ain`t food!?
If I was just learning English and you told me a sport called BOXING takes place in a SQUARE area called a RING, I`d probably give up.
You bring a baby monitor to the bar one time and everyone freaks out.