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Just told the guy at the second drive-thru window that the guy at the first drive-thru window wants to fight him.
Sometimes I wonder if that kid in the Dreamworks logo has caught the fish yet.
I hate people that don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”. Their so stupid…….
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
I’d go to the gym but I’m still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
Yes I admit I am a freak. Now, grab some whip cream, some feathers, handcuffs, blindfold, a whip and follow me into the kitchen.
There’s actually a thing called “Play Dates “ in 2018. In 1984 we called that “Going outside to play”
When I get a prescription for drugs, I don`t ask, `Will it work? Are there any side effects?` No, it`s `Can I drink with these?`
I want to live in a world where the Food Network delivers.
Early reports indicate I`m gonna be drunk all weekend.
Why do we feel safe under blankets? It’s not like a murderer will come in thinking “I’m gonna ki..-ahhh. Damn, he’s under a blanket.”
It`s all rainbows and sunshine until he breaks your heart, then it`s voodoo dolls and arson reports.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.
Trail Mix: M&Ms with obstacles
Leave a comment if you`ve started drinking. Hit the `Like` button if you`re already sh!tfaced. *Cheers*