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You know you are getting old when you see girls from TEEN category moved to MATURE & MILFS.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
Everything happens for a reason. That`s why I drink to everything!
Some of the best things in life...are mistakes.
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
The office Christmas party is a great opportunity to catch up with people you haven`t seen for half an hour.
When suffering from insomnia I either count sheep or ask my GF how her day was.
Most of you like waking up in the morning to see the "comments" and "likes" that your status received. I like waking up in the morning to see WTF I posted!
If at first you don´t succeed ..... buy her another drink
I`ve been on a diet for 2 weeks and all I`ve lost is 14 days.
If you are going to write in the dust on my car, please dont date it
If by cat person you mean I like to sleep all day and poo in sand then yes I am a cat person.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?
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