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It`s getting warm out. I can finally get back to smacking people and blaming it on mosquitos!
Sorry I’m cranky. I didn’t get my nap in today.
Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
My daughter wants to know when the hamster we "planted" in the garden will start growing.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
The Brain ? Forgets what I want to remember, Remembers what I want to forget.
I read an article the other day that said, "if you drink every day you are an alcoholic." Thank god I only drink at night.
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
I’m not the friend you put on speaker phone.
If money cant buy happiness,explain beer!
I`ve found that the things I`m most interested in aren`t really in my best interest.
Your giving me the silent treatment??? FKN FINALLY!!
I`m so old, I remember when the internet didn`t have commercials.
My body needs a refresh button.
Whoever said "money doesn`t grow on trees" has obviously never sold weed.