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Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask "Where have I gone wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "Oh dear, this is going to take more than one night."
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Gentlemen may not be extinct, but they are definitely endangered
Music is best when it’s louder than I can think.
I should start carrying a pool noodle in my car and randomly smack cars when stuck in traffic
A golden rule to live by: Never do anything that you wouldn’t want to explain to the paramedics!
When I see names carved into a tree I don’t think it’s cute, I just think its strange how many people take knives on a date.
Having a mohawk used to mean you were tough. Now it means you’re a 3 year-old with annoying parents.
This is my first lame status of the year. Enjoy!
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
The next person that tells me I have no shame…probably knows me pretty darn well.
They say a dog can retrieve a tennis ball from over a mile away. Seems a bit far fetched to me.
Long story short, I love summaries
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
They always say "love makes the world go around"... They spelled beer wrong.