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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
I bought some shoes of a drug dealer, I don`t know what he laced them with but I`ve been tripping all day.
"It`s not a pyramid scheme" is a phrase almost exclusively used by people involved in pyramid schemes
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
2 out of 3 isn`t bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids.
When ever I have a panic attack, I put a brown paper bag over my mouth and drink all the rum inside. It seems to help.
I`m going to start looking for the good in all people I meet this year. Except for the a$$holes.
I love how twix come with two bars so I can eat one now and the other immediately after
The worst part of being an insomniac is having to eat spiders while I’m awake to maintain my yearly average.
My name is Fred and I`m a survivor. If you are out there..if anyone is out there. I can provide food/shelter..Anybody please....U are not alone....
Unless your name is “Google”, stop acting as if you know everything!
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
I ate the whole box of Slim Fast bars. So excited about how skinny I`ll be when I wake up tomorrow.