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When you wish upon a shooting star, all your dreams will come true. Unless the star is really a meteor about to destroy the earth. Then, you´re pretty much dead no matter what you wish for.
The only time I`ve ever early to anything is when I`m dropping my kids off to be watched by somebody else.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
If I share something clever and witty on Facebook, don’t try and out clever me with your comment. I don’t come over and blow out your candles on your cake.
I tried to open a can of WhoopAss,, but it popped like a can of biscuits and scared me.
Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t.
There may be two sides to every story, but you’re still a douche in both of them.
Monday: A terrible way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Top three reasons he doesn`t text you back: 1. He`s just not that into you 2. He`s imaginary 3. He`s a cat
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
Whenever I hear about a man jumping off a bridge I can`t help but wonder how long he was dating my ex.
Here`s where I draw the line: ___________________________.
maturity comes when you stop publishing every detail of your life on social media
I`ve got worms !!!! ......... worms in me garden
I`m just amazed after all these years that we STILL haven`t seen Mario`s buttcrack.