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A woman saying “I’m not mad at you” is like a dentist saying “You won’t feel a thing.”
Scariest thing ever: when a kid sings a nursery rhyme really slow.
The good thing about Facebook is if someone gets on your nerves enough, you can make them cease to exist in your world and you don`t even have to hide a body.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
I`m starting to think mosquitoes just land on our faces not to suck blood but to see how stupid we look when we slap ourselves.
I decided to tell the kids that Santa is made up but nighttime home invasions are very real.
This girl next to me in class has a piece of tape over her laptop webcam. This can only mean she’s made some serious mistakes in her past…
You`re never too old to be spanked ...If you play your cards right.
I`ve probably spent a solid year of my life just staring into the refrigerator
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
Ever notice that the first 10 seconds of a medical drug commercial is spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest basically daring you to take it?
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
The wife almost caught me browsing on Facebook, but I quickly clicked over to a porn site. That was close.
Fun Fact: Valentine`s Day was created by a woman than didn`t get what she wanted for Christmas.
why we do not have a romance class...............