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Types of like on facebook: 1.Stalker like. 2.Crush like. 3.I wanna bang you like. 4.Agree like 5.Pity like.
feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Adulthood is when 4:30am is early in the morning instead of late at night.
If there are ice cream trucks in the summer, why aren`t there hot chocolate trucks in the winter?
My friends and I played fantasy football in high-school. No league, we just constantly thought about the cheerleaders.
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess.
One of my female friend is reading a book called "Learn to drive in a week" for the last 3 years.
I dig, she digs, he digs, they dig, we dig. its not a good poem but its really deep.
Google must be a woman...it knows everything.
You can lead a horse to water but I`d rather ride it to the liquor store.
Every time my daughter drinks juice she says "cheers" so.... no, not looking forward to parent teacher conferences.
Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is "I can post that"
Billion dollar idea: Make a prescription drug that gets rid of the side effects of all the other prescription drugs.
Can I just drop it like it’s luke warm? It’s been a long day and I’m tired.
This bottle of beer is not only delicious,,,, It also contains almost 10% of my daily requirement of beer...