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Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
My need for caffeine is so bad I`m going to AA for the free coffee
Being a fat guy at McDonald`s is like being the muscle guy at the gym. People stay out of your way cause they know you mean business
there are so many scams on the internet now...... Send me $19.95 an I`ll tell you how you can avoid them
The hardest part of being a gentleman is going to all of these gentlemen’s clubs.
I almost got raped in jail last night. My family takes Monopoly very seriously.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
I’ve been searching for my stolen bed. And I won’t rest until I find it.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
They don`t even serve apples at Applebee`s. Or bees.
Don`t you hate it when you`re typing something and you`re thinking about something else so then you subconsciously type what you were boobies.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
Plumber: you have hard water. Me: you mean like ice?
Sometimes I listen to strangers conversations and mentally give my opinion