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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
Look, all I`m saying is, you never see Nikki Manaj and E.T. in the same place at the same time.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
Did you ever notice how a woman’s “I’ll be ready in 5min” and a guys “I’ll be home in 5min” are one and the same?
I’m giving up on the silent treatment. ...Going to start talking to myself again.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
I really need a day inbetween Saturday an Sunday
I`d steal a doughnut truck and attempt to outrun the cops, just to let people see a bunch of cops chasing a doughnut truck!
Peanut butter sandwiches taste better when cut in half diagonally...........Listen,, I don`t make the rules people.
Been there, done that. Hypothetically
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
Kinda hard to believe not a single mutant at professor Xavier’s school had the power to heal a dude’s legs.
I think I may be getting harder to love.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.