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Shout out to the new couples still holding in farts..
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I`m typing this with my middle finger.
Got into a vicious battle with quite possibly the World`s Largest Spider. The outcome? Well, I`m updating my Facebook status this morning.... He isn`t.
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
Ah Friday...my second favorite "F" word!
"..::. :.:.. ::...: .:. :.:: ::.: ..::. :: ::.:..." - Stevie Wonder-
Just saw the trailer for "Noah." I hear The Book is better.
1 in 5 bosses will let you leave work early if you claim to have `lady problems` then start crying. It works even better for guys.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
My parents preferred my imaginary friend over me.
My neighbors complained that I never mow my lawn. So I started mowing. The cops showed up at 3 a.m.. These neighbors are never happy...
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
First rule of Pizza club, you don’t share it.