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School taught me a lot of stuff, but the most useful was how to get ready in 15 minutes
I am a completely different person when I`m not under female supervision.
Look up from your phone… There’s some life going on around you.
Why do restaurants always say "Shirt and Shoes Required" but never say anything about pants?
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
I am sick of people thinking deodorant is optional.
If I had a dollar for every time someone has told me to grow up, I could probably afford a whole arsenal of Super Soakers.
My job blocked the Favstar website and I`m not sure if I should quit or take hostages. Haha! Jk. I`m totally taking hostages.
The first guy who bought pants had to go to the store without pants on, that`s just science
Never make decisions when you are angry....or horny.
I didn`t give you the finger...you earned it.
If "The Breakfast Club" were made today, it would be a silent film about 5 kids staring at their phones.
The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.
I will be good today... I will be good today... I will be good today... Yeah.... I didn`t believe it either..
Unless you are selling Thin Mints, don’t ever knock on my door.