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No officer, my speech isn`t slurred. I`m just talking in cursive.
If you think buying condoms is awkward, try returning them.
I have a bad habit of laughing at inappropriate moments.
And then I was all: “I’m really getting sick of your shit, bitch.” And then she was all: “To speak with a representative please press 7.”
Yes I walked away mid-conversation. You were boring me to death and my survival instincts kicked in
Word for the day is asstard
How do you get in touch with the models in the pictures that come with the frame? I have an out of control, elaborate lie I need help with.
Just once, I`d like to clock out from work by sliding down a dinosaur.
Idiots are fun, no wonder every village wants one.
To all who called into work drunk today. Happy St Patrick`s Day.
Confuse your doctor by putting on rubber gloves at the same time he does.
You know it`s a classy establishment when they quietly ask you to leave.
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
I drink coffee for your protection.