Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m a spontaneous procrastinator
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
Scientists have recently discovered that approximately 2% of Earth`s water at any given time is found on Tupperware containers being removed from the dishwasher
When I go through an automated car wash I close my eyes, because it`s easier to pretend I`m in a car that way.
Pregreening - creeping forward while waiting for a red light to change.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
I`m not a doctor, but I play one on eHarmony.
i have noticed you notice me noticing you
“I wonder how much weight I’ve lost.” -Me, after eating one healthy meal.
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
My chemistry teacher asked us what the heaviest metal was today. Apparently "Megadeath" was the wrong answer.