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And that`s when I realized, it wasn`t the hamburger who needed help, it was me
I hate it when you follow your dreams and wind up in a dumpster in the back ally of an IHOP.
The best stories ever told always end with the words”…and then I got the hell out of there.”
Ladies, if he calls you crazy, don`t get upset. Crazy girls are better in bed so take it as a compliment. But stab him, just in case...
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
Don`t pick on Aquaman! The crime rate underwater is pretty damn low the last time I checked.
I hate brushing my teeth at night. It signifies I can`t have any more food and I`m never ready for that kind of commitment
Hey,,,, I said I`d be there in 10 minutes... Quit calling me every half hour.
Men wear the pants in the relationship but women control the zipper.
Tried to borrow some bread from my Indian neighbour, but he said he had naan....
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Sorry I ordered a salad and then ate all your fries.
Just because you`re not paranoid doesn`t mean they`re not out to get you.
I just read that ciggarettes cause rectal cancer, I should me fine, I was going to put them in my mouth anyway..