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There`s a time and place for wine, In my hand and now.
Delete cookies? Why on Earth would I want to do that?! I LOVE COOKIES
i never said i knew what i was doing, i said i was going to do it anyway :)
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
My life is like Monopoly: sometimes I`m the race car, sometimes I`m the iron. But usually I`m a peanut because I`ve lost all the game pieces.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
That weird feeling when you wake up from a nap & you don`t whether it`s am or pm or what day, month, or year it is.
Iām always impressed when I can stump auto-correct...
My friend on Facebook "Can`t believe its Monday again already"... if only there were some way for her to calculate the order in which days occur.
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Not every flower can say love...but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst...but a cactus did. Not every idiot can read, but look at you go!!!! lol
It`s so cute how you can throw balls right at kids faces in the Chuck E Cheese ball pit and they think you`re just playing.
If you tell me you`re giving something 110% then Iām assuming the extra 10% is your stupidity.
What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabi.
Just tried to kill a snake in the backyard. And by kill I mean screaming as loudly as a human can in an attempt to make its head explode.