Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
My Bills are so big that I have to call them William now.
Ways to get to my heart: 1) food ... that’s pretty much it
Before Walmart, you had to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.
It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. It will be dark. It will be light. Then I`m back. Me, explaining a vacation to my cat.
I`m celebrating 1 year of sobriety today ... I think it was 1989 ... Cheers!
I love you more each day as my other options diminish.
The dollar store needs to go ahead and open up a few gas stations.
How big does a cupcake have to be before it’s just a cake?
Why can`t life be as easy as I am?
According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Wanna ruin a girl’s day? Respond to her next text with “Who is this?”
The last breasts I touched belonged to a dead chicken.