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I have a hidden talent......I really wish I could find it!
Meditation never worked for me, so I tried something even better..."Beditation"! You lay down close your eyes and you wake up an hour and a half later!
I bet Captain Crunch has some amazing abs.
Santa must be the bravest man around. Who else would let a bunch of deer pull them around in a sleigh during hunting season?
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
Relationship Status: ( ) Single ( ) In a Relationship ( ) Married ( ) Engaged ( ) Divorced (X) Waiting for a miracle
There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you’re supposed to be doing something else.
There are people in life you could NEVER get tired of hitting with a shovel!!!
Sleep is my drug, the bed my dealer, the alarm clock the police.
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
If you ever come over unannounced, it`ll take me at least three minutes to answer the door because there is no way I was already wearing pants.
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside!
Never ask a woman who is eating ice cream straight from the carton how she’s doing.
Ladies: If he’s right handed, and you find the mouse to the left of the computer monitor, there is only one explanation. Sorry Guys.
The moment you empty your vacuum cleaner is the moment you become a vacuum cleaner.