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Oh no! I have to enter my date of birth to view this explicit content! Damn this internet security!
I always keep a Mexican restaurant on speed dial in queso emergency.
The one good thing about an egotist. They don`t talk about other people.
If everyone would stop screaming, I`m sure we`d all agree I`m not supposed to be in this women`s restroom.
One would have to assume that Amish chicks carve their own sex toys.
Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
Dropping a can of soda and sticking it back in the fridge all shaken up for the next person to open is not nearly as funny when you live by yourself.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Flip flops are fun because every time you take a step it`s like a high-five for your feet.
I’m drinking while I work out…I call it Bacardio.
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
Want to watch a nerd have a melt down? Tell him that you just bought an Android Ipad.
We think therefore we must be, but are we?
They said money can`t by happiness. But it can buy tattoos, car parts, and beer. What else could we need?
We welcome the Christmas season at my house by putting out more towels that I am not allowed to touch