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United should roll out Rodeo Rewards where you get paid based on how long you are able to stay on the plane when you are chosen to volunteer.
Don`t worry. Your secret is safe with me. I wasn`t listening anyway.
I went to McDonald`s to grab my boys a couple of Happy meals. The guy serving me says "Would you like a Boy Toy"? I was like, "listen hear you little sh!t, you couldn`t handle me if you tried"!! What is this world coming too... :))
Pretty cool how the internet lets you stay connected with people you haven`t seen in years and silently judge them on a daily basis.
Marriage tip: Don`t
I`m hearing voices again. Probably because my window is open and there are people outside talking, but still.
I’m quite confident that the reason I’m single is because I didn’t forward that chain letter in 2003.
When I say "It’s a long story," it doesn’t mean it’s actually a long story. It means I just don’t want to tell you.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Pork is awesome, but it`s best when used as a verb.
If a girl picks an iron in monopoly you know she`s a keeper
If pigs could fly, nobody would be eating chicken wings.
Life is short, Smile while you still have teeth.
I`m starting a pay it backward campaign. When I get up to the drive through window I tell them that the car behind me is going to pay for it.
Apparently my "Please STFU" face bears a strong resemblance to my "Oh, Please Keep Talking" face.