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I always make it a point to become friends with babies. That`s free cake once a year for a lifetime.
My neighbours diary say`s I have boundary issues.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Patience Is When Playing TETRIS And U Let Those Bricks Fall On Their Own Without Speeding Them Down
Its amazing how many people respond to "Hey Dumba$$!"
You can never really say `what`s on your mind` when you have family members on your Facebook.
I see you`ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There are more important things in life than Facebook and Twitter, like watching TV and having a beer.
Being an adult is mostly waiting to leave places you didn`t want to go to in the first place.
Don`t call me names, you don`t know enough words to describe me
When my girlfriend texted me "I`m enjoying 5 guys in bed" I was quite surprised to arrive and find no hamburgers
I`ve upped my driving skills, no go Up yours!
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
Thanksgiving: "Let`s give thanks for the stuff we have." Black Friday: "Ok, let`s get all new stuff."
I have a tattoo of a gigantic bruise on my left ankle in case anyone ever asks me to go hiking. Or help them move.