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30 years later and my Cabbage Patch Kid still has no clue that he`s adopted.
The problem with the rest of the world is that they are always 5 drinks behind.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
Some people can’t sleep because they have insomnia. I can’t sleep because I have Internet.
Whenever I get a message that begins with “Hey Stranger” I know I’m about to be asked for a favor by someone I don’t want to help.
After four karate lessons, I can now break a two-inch board with my cast
I sooo did not want to go on a run today but those cops came out of nowhere.
Unless your kid`s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
Anyone else think there should be a sarcasm font?
Did the Energizer Bunny finally stop going and going, and none of us even noticed it?
In case I drink too much and pass out for a while, Merry Christmas you guys.
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
When the kids come home from school they close the door then almost immediately open another door..... The one to the fridge!!!!