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I’m in my dentist’s waiting room practicing my lies about flossing.
So, basically Alexa is just some know-it-all with no actual job skills.
The 3 fastest means of communication: Telephone, Television, Tell-a-woman.
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
I am going to write a book about A.D.D., because .. I love fishing. -LOL
My therapist said that I needed to find healthier ways of expressing my anger. So I decided to jog home after setting fire to my ex`s car.
Why can`t my coworkers just play on the Internet like normal people instead of trying to engage me in conversation.
likes to end all my phone calls with "Ok, I`ll see you later on at the party!" and then quickly hang up. Let them figure it out.
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
Men also have feelings. For example, we can feel hungry.
Even when I’m home alone, I still answer Jeopardy questions out loud.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
When your boss says "You need help", he never means a hitman.
I put the “Pro” in Procrastinate.
The less you know, the more you think you do.