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The guy that discovered milk...What was he doing to that cow?
I’m actually not funny. I’m just really mean & people think I’m joking.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they look.
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
I feel it`s important for you to know, no matter what I`m faced with and when given the option, I am that guy who will send you a voice-mail marked confidential.
I get so excited when Facebook tells me there are hot singles in my city who want to meet me. Maybe they want to babysit!
If I owned a pet store Id put a different rat in the turtle cage every night just to see if any of the turtles knew karate the next morning.
It`s normally a combination of things that cause bad decisions. The tequila, lime, salt combination is the most common.
I’ve been texting so much lately that I move my thumbs from side to side when I’m actually talking to someone.
I`m probably not going to get accepted into the optimist club.
Saw a chameleon today, so I`m assuming it wasn`t a very good one.
Happy Birthday to all those ladies that their men forgot about because it falls on Super Bowl Sunday this year.
I do what I want, when I want, where I want.. if my mom says its ok. :)
Make yourself at home. Clean my kitchen