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Do you ever wish you were a monkey? Then if you got mad at someone, you could just fling your poo at them. Problem solved.
Between Criminal Minds, CSI, Law and Order, Castle, and Monk...I am now fairly confident I can get away with pretty much anything.
that awkard moment when someone`s laugh is actually funnier than the joke
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
I`m 5`5" and a HALF. I think men should be pretty impressed that I consider half inches very important when measuring things.
My mind is exceptionally quiet.... I am suspicious that I am up to something I don`t want myself to know about.
Rappers seem to have an unhealthy interest in female dogs, don`t they?
When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it…
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
Leftover bacon? Lol that’s up there with unicorns, leprechauns, and soulmates.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
I got rid of all the bad influence people in my life and now I`m bored.