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An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Doing it wrong is the only thing I do right.
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
If you watch the Twilight movies backwards, Kristen Stewart still can`t act.
Isn`t it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don`t know what ironic means.
Pouring a bucket of white marbles into the hippo pen will result in a lifetime ban from the zoo no matter how hungry they looked.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
Any amusement you may have experienced from my past posts are in no way a guarantee of future performance.... Please initial here and sign here.
The only thing actually impossible in life is taking a picture for a group of women and having ALL of them like it.
I wouldn’t say your ugly, you are just beautichallenged.
I’m not a sore loser ... thanks to Vicodin.
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
My 5yr old learned how to whistle if anyone’s looking for a new 5yr old.
Sleep is like a time machine to breakfast.