Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I hope Iām the last guy on earth ā I wanna see if all those women were lying to me.
Was sitting and doing nothing. Then I realized I could be sitting and doing nothing on Facebook. So here I am.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Days are short in December but spending them with family really stretches them out.
Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.
I thought 70 was the new 50, but the cop still gave me a ticket.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, `13...13....13...13.` The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick. Then they all started shouting. `14...14...14...14....
I read my kids a few select facebook statuses before bed, kiss them on their heads, and whisper, "This is why we have to stay in school"
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
You`d think that with as much time as women spend looking at their butt in the mirror they would be able to parallel park.
I gave my cat 7up, now it has 16 lives
Who needs Halloween decorations when I can just put up my selfies?
I thought "twerking" was short for "networking". I really embarrassed myself while giving that presentation to the company`s Board of Directors.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
Not to brag, but most of the problems that take Dora the Explorer 30 minutes to figure out, I can solve in like 18-20 minutes.