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Live today like it`s your last!! But pay your bills and use a condom just in case it isn`t.
I had a blind date once, her name was ..::..::.:::::…:::::
Sorry, I`m in a hurry, lets talk while we walk... You go that way.
I`m changing my facebook username to NOBODY so that way when people post crappy posts, and i press the like button it will say NOBODY likes this
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking "Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?"
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
"keep moving.....nothing to see here"
You think your wife is crazy now? Try divorcing her
I named my dog "5 Miles" so I can tell people, "I walk 5 Miles every day"
Can`t believe people still say "pot" it`s not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now
Sometimes you have to flip out and go bat sh!t crazy to make a point.
So far,,, I`ve spent 300% of this week exaggerating.
What idiot decided it should be my foot`s asleep instead of coma toes?
Was up all night wondering, why do people compliment me for having all my sh!t together & yet still insult me for being full of it?
Life is all about tough decisions such as… Getting enough sleep or staying on the internet.