Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The worst part about being stoned at work is realizing it`s your day off.
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
You may think I`m dumb but you overestimate me.
If I ran NASA, it would be mandatory for the ground crew to be dressed as apes when the space shuttle lands.
The judge says I`m a repeat offender, but he always says that.
I`m honestly convinced some women do not fart. They just hold it in, and it comes out as drama.
Sometimes I have to tell myself, "It`s not worth the jail time!"
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
Iām planning on ringing the new year in with a kiss ... whether my dog likes it or not.
Even hoarders throw their chapstick away if someone else uses it.
Something about summertime brings out the beer guzzling Homer Simpson in me.
I wonder if Superman ever put glasses on Lois Lane`s dog & she was like, "I`ve never seen this dog before. Is this a new dog?"
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!