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My life is a constant battle between my love of food and not wanting to get fat.
You have a point. It`s just not very sharp
20 years from now, some adults are going to say they grew up on the “bad part of town,” meaning there was no 4G in that area.
?"I hate when people come to MY house, knock on MY door, and then give me the "why aren`t you wearing pants" look."
Only in math problems can you buy 60 cantaloupes and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
Just found a shopping list in this cart that said, "Beer, wine, crap like that", so apparently my soulmate is still out there.
"2 weeks with my baby xoxoxo" lol,calm down romeo&juliet.
I think it’s funny when dogs hide under the bed when they’re scared. I’m like “you idiot, that’s the first place monsters go!”
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
Marriage...betting someone half your stuff you`ll love them forever.
I think my other three stove burners are becoming jealous of front-right.
My head has that drunk on cheap alcohol feel without me getting to actually drink the alcohol :(
Some life lessons are so profound; you only need to do them one time. Putting Icy Hot on my balls, for example …
I need a new bad decision.