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Boobs: because you can`t suck on a girls personality
If a girls tongue being pierced really mattered, then I would have my palm pierced!
We live in a society that`s the most knowledgeable about a zombie apocalypse, but the most likely to be eaten while staring at our phones.
I just let my mind wander, but it didn’t come back yet.
My friends are the kind that would flirt with the fireman while my house was burning down.
I`ve got this great new drinking game where you take a shot every time you want to get more drunk.
One thing I`ll never understand is alcohol free wine
Just because you have a beard doesn`t mean you`re a man. Last time I checked vaginas can grow hair too.
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
Sometimes I just go on Facebook to see who has been dumped and who is pregnant.
A friend like you is worth a million dollars. So, if you don’t mind…can I sell you? :D
I wouldn’t pay for a personal trainer, but I would pay someone to just knock unhealthy food out of my hands.
Tequila is Spanish for I’m open to waking up anywhere.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.
"Oh my god, you`ve gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mom