Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Occasionally, I like to agree with a man just to watch the look of fear, confusion and nervous-anxiety.
Those 4 words that will get any girl into bed with you. `I won the lottery`.
No matter how many lasagna’s you stack on top of each other, ultimately it’s always just one lasagna
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Coaster? You`re assuming I plan to put my drink down...
NEWS FLASH: Man arrested for having sex with a tree.....Police confirm he had wood!!!
You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent ? That’s why I never take baths...
Water is life; without it we wouldn’t have coffee, whiskey or beer.
When I`m older, I`m going to buy one of those Volkswagen Bugs. Only because I have a excuse to hit my wife every time we go somewhere.
I didn`t sleep well last night so this morning I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. Half way to work I realized I forgot my car.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
I`m surprised kids haven`t found a way to trick or treat online yet
Every time I visit my parents, I send the kids in first so they can signal me if it`s an intervention.
My wife told me to strive for perfection, so I divorced her and started dating a swimsuit model.
Nobody looks back at their life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.