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My earthquake kit is just a tuxedo because in case of a disaster, I want to look like the most important person to save.
To a woman, sexual harassment is when a man makes advances towards her. If a woman makes advances towards a man, we call that getting lucky.
Damn your Hott!...........................Freaking Sun! lmao =P
Wednesday, you’d be a lot cooler if you were Friday night.
I think I will start calling my wife "My Customer" since she is always right...
I broke my finger today. But on the other hand I`m fine.
YouTube "This video is not available in your country". where the hell am I from? NARNIA?
Smile, it´s the second best thing you can do with your lips.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
Don’t let anyone tell you how to live your life! Unless you’re an idiot. In that case, please listen carefully.
The only trouble with resisting temptation is that you may not get another chance...
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...
Apparently, my wife has friend zoned me...
My house is not a mess. It`s just that everything is on display for your viewing pleasure. Like a museum.