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Will be drunk until further notice.
I try to get in at least 30 minutes of talking about exercise every day.
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
If I would have known there would be a Facebook, I would have written "f*ck off forever" instead of "keep in touch" in your yearbook.
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
In the beginning, God created Heaven and Earth. Everything else was made in China
Redneck WORD OF THE DAY: WATER My girlfriend gets mad and I don`t even know water problem is!
I found that 99% of the time, when I`m not listening, just saying "that`s some bullshi*t" makes them happy.
Yeah, I was gonna do that, but summer.
Just once, I would like to wake up, turn on the news, and hear... "Monday has been canceled, go back to sleep."
Went to Walmart yesterday and bought me a new toilet brush, I think I am gonna go back to using paper, it is much more gentle on the netherlands........
A roman walks into a bar. He holds up two fingers and says "Five beers please."