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I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
I saw that! - Karma
You can`t lick any part of your reflection except your tongue.
I wish you could Google anything. Like, "Where the f*ck is my remote?" and it would be like, "It`s under the couch dumbass."
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
People with the loudest car audio systems usually have the worst taste in music.
Adding “and sh!t” to the end of a sentence to make it sound cooler and sh!t.
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word? Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
One things for sure, I can always count on my fingers.
Hey micky you`re so fine, you`re so fine you blow my mind hey micky! hey micky! Admit it, you didnt read it, you sang it
Baby.. I wanna be the reason you need therapy.
Someone asked an old man: "After 70yrs you still call your wife Darling, Honey and Luv. What`s the secret?"... Old man: I forgot her name 10 yrs ago & I`m scared 2 ask her.
I’m not single and I’m not committed… I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves…
I just made my first snow angel!! ... Ok fine.. I got bored, got drunk and then passed out in the snow, whatever!
Wife really liked the "sex anytime, anywhere" coupon I gave her. Probably should have specified "with me"