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Jehovah`s witnesses don`t celebrate Halloween. I guess they don`t appreciate random people coming up to their doors.
I hide from people too, so I get it unicorns, I get it.
“Hangover” makes it sounds like it’s all done now. I’d like to propose the term “hanghappening”.
For those who do not know what ADHD can do to a person, let me expla.....oooh look i got a text message.
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair
Tenderizing the meat sounds a lot sexier than it is
If you hear sirens and see some naked dude with jeans on his head running down the street, be sure to throw me a beer.
Say no to drugs! Then again, if you`re talking to drugs, you`re probably already on drugs.
Didn`t win the lotto again ... send prayers.
I`m emotionally constipated. I haven`t given a crap in days...
The two major causes of depression are: a) having a job, and b) not having a job.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
Ladies, don`t date him just because his dad has a yacht. Date the dad.
I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."