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I like to sit outside on campus at night in my 1940s clothes and when people say things to me, I say "You can see me?"
Ran out of post-it notes, now I don`t know how to remind myself to buy more.
Wine is just grapes for procrastinators.
After months of uninterrupted analysis, I am now prepared to conclude that, indeed, my laundry is not going to fold itself.
If I had a nickel for every time someone called me OCD I`d have 27 dollars and 15 cents.
Turns out people who say they love hot sauce on anything are liars. In other news, I`ve recently been banned from making the classroom coffee.
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
Go ahead caller 9!!
Go buy a burrito, leave it in your fridge, get drunk, come home and be your own best secret admirer.
Ebay is really getting worse and worse to use. Yesterday I searched for a cigarette lighter. I got 3,974, 601 matches...
It`s not my fault you thought I was normal.
I`d engage you in a battle of wits, but I`m afraid you`re unarmed.
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Living alone is pretty cool, I don`t even know if my bathroom door closes