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Honesty is the best policy, unless you`re trying to return something that you`ve already worn.
Only in math problems you can buy 60 watermelons and nobody asks what the hell is wrong with you.
State of mind is in no mind to state its state of mind.
I don`t really work, I just kinda stand around and be awesome.
Sure, we can be friends. I get to be Chandler.
Let me just flip this here omelette.... aaaaaand I`m having scrambled eggs
If I have ten pieces of bacon and you take five pieces, what do you have? Thats right., A black eye and a broken hand!
The most difficult part about taking a personality test is deciding which personality should take it.
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Only awesome people are allowed to ‘LIKE’ this status!
When I have a yard sale I play the theme song to Sanford & Son with a boombox on my porch.
My thoughts should be ashamed of themselves.
Life hack: If you keep your mouth shut, no one will know you`re so stupid
Apparently the ``All you can eat buffet`` isn`t a challenge ...
People ask me why I don`t have tattoos. Seriously, would you put a bumper sticker on a Lambourghini?