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Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Dear alcohol we had a deal where you were supposed to make me cool, sexy, charming and a great dancer........I seen a video......we need to talk.
I bet Jellyfish are sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish.
God is creative... I mean look at me??
I’m surprised more people don’t Photoshop a cleaner house into the background of their pictures.
This Halloween, the only Candy I`m interersted in swings from a pole and has daddy issues
My idea of getting lucky is having someone else do the laundry.
One day I shall rule the World! Until then, I`m going to bed
This Tequila tastes like an afternoon of fun and bad decisions.
I don`t trust stairs. They always look like they`re up to something.
Don’t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I’ve changed since then.
Why aren`t we letting blind people think that dragons are real?
Call me old school, but cigarettes should not have USB ports
My last relationship was almost as complicated as the knot my pocket created with my headphones.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.