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Yes, I know why you pulled me over. I didn`t see you in your little hiding spot over there, so I couldn`t slow down in time.
I have no idea who is gonna die first in this movie, because everyone is white.
Everything in earthquake-prone areas should be built on top of a giant Tempurpedic mattress.
"You go girl" - asking my girlfriend to move out, but sassy like
Learn cursive, they said. You`ll need it your whole life, they said.
Holidays are a lot of fun until you realize you`ve been dating the ugly sister
"I want to marry a smart, rich, and beautiful woman. But I don`t feel like getting married 3 times." - Hesam Ebrahim
If you enter a room and there`s no food, you`re in the wrong room.
You are right when you realize you were wrong.
I live in fear that my death will somehow be connected to the opening of a pressurized Pillsbury cinnamon roll container.
Internet Dating......The Odds are good but the Goods are odd
After lengthy reflection, I’ve concluded that having kids wasn’t worth the seven times my son took out the garbage for me.
Bored? Simply send a text to a random number saying "I`m pregnant"
Hey, car designers, you have kids, right? How is "limo window partition" between the front and back seat not an option yet?
I just did a weeks worth of cardio after I walked into a spider`s web.