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In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
Currently in the planning stages for a hangover.
Yes, I realize I’m leaving early. But don’t forget, I also came in late.
Just once I’d like to see someone dropkick the guy grinning and waving behind the news reporter.
Have you ever laid down in bed and start thinking.. Where the hell are my pants!!??
If my father taught me one thing, it was probably how to take both hands off the wheel to sarcastically applaud people in traffic.
Ever had one of those days that you feel like you should have skipped the coffee and went straight for the booze?
I`m gonna hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer`s.
I seem to start my day backwards. I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake.
If you pull the pin out of a grenade, can you put it back in and let go? I`m going to need a quick answer for this....
People are like slinkeys; they don’t really serve a purpose, but you can’t help but laugh when one of them falls down the stairs.
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends
I try to always be the bigger person by hanging out with a lot of short people.
Why can`t insomnia start in the morning.
I`m 99% sure you think I`m weird. And I`m 100% sure I don`t care.