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If we can have HD video from Mars,,, then I should have 4 bars on my phone everywhere I go.
Karma is like a rubber-band: it can only stretch so far before it comes back and smacks you in the face.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Gray hair is the human body`s equivalent of low toner.
People: What a bunch of bastards!
My favorite drink is the fullest one on the table.
? Single ? Taken ? Depends on who`s asking.
There are so many things in life I still need to lick.
The bad news is I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. The good news is I no longer give a crap.
My body is by no means a temple but it can be one heck of a amusement park ride...
It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people`s phones.
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and hold on, are those nuts?
If at first you don’t succeed, you shouldn’t diffuse bombs.
I broke up with my girlfriend by e-mail. I don`t know what upset her most, the fact that I did it by email or the fact that I cc`d my new girlfriend who wanted proof.