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Best thing about being single… -no drama -no fighting -no crying -no feelings -no confusion -no worries -no PROBLEMS!
The sexiest fantasy in 50 Shades Of Grey is the bit where she gets a job in journalism without having to do years of unpaid work experience.
Chasing your dreams is hard... especially when that damn alarm keeps going off
One of the major benefits of using a combined 2 in 1 shampoo/conditioner is having enough room leftover on the shower caddy for the beer.
Guys, Everyone. Listen. I`m going to say two words that will change your lives. Pizza Tacos. I know. Just breath.
The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
My hobbies include trying to close the elevator door before someone else gets on.
If there was an award for most pessimistic, I probably wouldn’t even be nominated.
Sometimes it`s easy to forget we would all violently murder each other if we couldn`t obtain basic food or water. Have a great day guys.
Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
Stop picking on Justin Bieber. That`s somebody`s daughter.
Good morning friends … Wait … what the hell m I doing up this early?
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
People like you are the reason people like me take pills.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".