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Welcome to Alzheimer`s Club. I see a lot of new faces today.
I joined weight watchers last month, so far I lost 38 dollars...
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
I don`t have ADHD. I have ADOLS. Attention deficit..OH LOOK! Skittles!
That very akward moment when Shakirah`s hips lie!
If the river were beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and never come up..
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Drinking coffee is a fun way to become dependent on paying money to wake up.
Say what you want about the porn industry. But they are hard workers.
You never know how little self control you have until they put chips and salsa in front of you at a Mexican restaurant.
If the universe didn`t want me to eat four pop-tarts for breakfast I wouldn`t have four slots on my toaster...
It`s no fun having nothing to do, fun is having a lot to do and doing nothing.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%...unless you`re donating blood...
The heart wants what the heart wants. *opens 12th beer*
Lisa has 750 friends on Facebook. A week later she adds 150 more to her friends list. What does she have? Answer-Big Boobs