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Ok but how old is your child in minutes?
My innocent look never works in the nude.
May the bridges I burn light the way.
Weird how “news” and “fact checking” are treated like two separate concepts these days.
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
How about first you show me your benefits and THEN I`ll let you know if we can be friends.
Of course morning sex is better. You haven`t spent the day annoying the crap out of each other yet.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
Shout-out to nature for not giving wings to snakes
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
A naughty thought is a terrible thing to waste
If running late counted as exercise I would be the healthiest motherf*cker you ever saw
Take time to reflect upon your day. Think of all the blessings you received, and everything you may be called to testify about :)))
Twice-baked potatoes, refried beans, etc.: Damn, people, cook it right the first time or get out of the kitchen!