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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
Falling in love is lot like dying, you never get to do it enough to become good at it.
There are no winners the day following a green beer, corned beef, and cabbage binge.
Here is your New Years Resolution. All of that stupid sh!t you did last year? Don’t do that crap this year. Done. You’re welcome.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Tomorrow, I`m going to open up the time capsule I buried when I was a kid. I can`t wait to see how big my puppy got!
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
If you need time alone, announce that it`s time to clean the house.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
When I think of a selfie, I`m not sure it`s the same thing you`re thinking of
My ex has had a really hard time moving on. From what I can tell through his blinds, he is currently eating (something we always did)
Without coffee, I’m just a really tall 2 year old.
I`m old enough to remember when having a long cord on the home phone was privacy.
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"