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No one sees you when you`re kind, no one sees you when you do a nice thing, but all will see on you when you fart.
happy 3rd birthday to the tartar sauce in my fridge
Im going to a parking lot and put sticky notes on people`s cars saying "sorry for the damage." Then watching the magic.
i dont drink any more and yet again i dont any less either
I ate gummy bears and didn`t bite off their heads or make screaming noises as they entered my mouth and I think this means I`m an adult now.
Before asking a hot chick out, I wish I could first talk to the dude who`s sick of her bullsh!t.
Multitasking? Iām not even good at unitasking.
The Internet: 1% information 1% jokes 98% outrage over information and jokes
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Marriage Tip: If your husband is watching golf, show him you`re interested by repeatedly asking "why doesn`t our lawn ever look that nice?"
If you get a new job before you quit your old one, it`s considered responsible. But if you do that with your gf, it`s called "cheating."
I hate when I`m admiring my good looks from a car`s window reflection and the people inside think I`m staring at them.
I just thought you should know, I just did all the laundry and didn`t lose a sock to the dryer monster...
If Jesus was the son of Mary and he was the Lamb of God, Does that mean Mary had a Little Lamb?