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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
The difference between “like” “love” and “in love” is the same as the difference between “for now” “for a while” and “forever”
The universe contains protons,neutrons,electrons and morons.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won`t ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
If no one from the future comes back to stop you, is it really that bad of an idea?
I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain realizes what I`m doing.
I live in constant fear that someone will kidnap my mother in law who lives all alone at 48 W Main St, bldg C, Apt 32 on the 3rd floor.
I only have a kitchen because it came with the house.
Don`t judge me for things I did a few seconds ago, I`ve changed since then.
If I knew how to backflip, I`d never walk anywhere.
You’ll never get the same results running in place as you will running from a lion.
If you expect the world to be fair with you because you are fair with them....its like expecting a lion not to eat you because you don`t eat lion.
A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn`t eat.
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
I suppose cougar is a better term than old whore.