Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I came across 3 snakes while mowing the yard today, but those of you in North America already know that because you heard me scream
I wonder how many dads named their sons Luke just so they can say "Luke, I am your father."....
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 7 am is sexy... Then yeah, I`m your guy.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
Do you ever dislike someone so much that you hate when people are nice to them?
There was a HUGE spider in the shower.. So I ran into the living room screaming naked.. Now my daughters` friends probably won`t be allowed over anymore..
How to cuss a kid out... "Shut the fudge up you little astronaut! You son of a batch of cookies! What the helicopters are you doing?!"
First comes love, then comes marriage. Then comes not making any decisions and feeling guilty about asking for blowjobs.
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
I can`t wait to be ashamed of what I do this weekend
Five second rule? Pfft. What`s the point of having an immune system if you`re not going to use it?
One way to find out if you`re old is to fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you`re young, if they panic, you`re old.
Grammar. The difference between feeling your nuts, and feeling you`re nuts.
It`s nice that my vacuum has a headlight just in case I want to clean in the dark or wake my dog up thinking he`s getting hit by a train.