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Superman and Batman probably had a lot of "capes in the toilet water" accidents when they went to take a dump.
The good thing about being tall is, you can`t get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can`t get lost in a crowd.
I farted on my wallet. Now I have gas money
OMG! I went shopping because I needed a skirt and these earings were on special so I bought four new pairs of shoes!
What`s the nutritional value of an entire tube of cherry Chapstick? Asking for my two year old.
I have lost my mind and I am making no effort to look for it.
Remember, you can always run from your problems. Unless your problem is a Cheetah.....then you`re screwed!
Today`s Big Idea: Coffee eye drops.
How many instruments do you have to be terrible at before you start playing the triangle?
I’ve finally decided to do something about my weight ... Lie.
is here. Now what are your other two wishes?
You say you want to bring me back to reality. You’re assuming I’ve been there before.
I don`t think we appreciate this era enough. For instance, none of us will see old photos of our moms whoring it up on Instagram.
These ‘energy saving` light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Coffee shops should have a separate line for people who are late for work.