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Give Me A Minute While I Pretend To Care!
Cop: This is a ticket for drunk and disorderly behavior. Me: Can I have another? I`d like to bring a guest.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
Women`s magazines are so funny. 1: You`re beautiful and perfect just the way you are! 2: How to lose 20 pounds in 10 days.
I should never have climbed into this vat of curdled milk. I`m in whey over my head.
When one door closes, another opens ... I had a Chevette that was like that.
Thank you for showing me your Facebook wedding album. Now if you have time, here is a slideshow of my top 36 scores in Mario Kart
It never ceases to amaze me that the little space between the driver’s seat and the center console in my car will fit any object that can possibly be dropped, but will not fit a hand.
I always like seeing those "Baby on Board" stickers because it`s nice to see agreeable babies out there.
Hockey: because running on knives makes sense.
Fun Fact: You can win all arguments with your man by putting on yoga pants and walking away.
Expect nothing and you`ll be impressed every day.
Leave the past behind. Smile every day. Never wear underwear. I don`t know. Inspirational post are hard.
I still like going into Burger King and ordering a McWhopper and a McFry.
Posting a status update before responding to someone`s text is the easiest way to let them know how unimportant they are.