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"Check, please!" - Me, at a restaurant begging the waiter to make sure there are no monsters under the table
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
1: Say "Unh! 2: Mumble three spanish words. 3: list four cities. You just made a Pitbull song.
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges to keep the crazies from following you.
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
If Mary Poppins floated in on an umbrella today, they`d shoot her out of the sky with a drone.
The thinner the eyebrow, the crazier the woman.
That awkward moment when you take a bath in the middle of the day and don`t know whether to wear normal clothes or pajamas.
I guess I prefer Subway because they make me feel like I`m making the healthy decision when I order a loaf of bread with 18 meatballs on it.
I need a fixed income. Mine is broken.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
You know you should goto sleep when the sheep you`re counting start hitting the fence.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?