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Dear children, when you look under your bed, what exactly are you planning to do when you find me? Sincerely, The Monster.
I learn from the mistakes of people who took my advice.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
Money can`t buy happiness, but I`d rather cry in a Ferrari.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
I think...therefore, I am.....single
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
I`ve decided to take some time off Facebook so I can focus on work and, ok, I`m back
If I didn`t drink, then how would everyone know how much I love them at 2am?
I just changed my relationship status from “left hand” to “right hand”…
I woke up early this morning with the strange desire to get up and exercise. Fortunately I rolled over and closed my eyes really tight and the feeling went away.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
Why does McDonalds call it a drive thru when you have to drive AROUND the building?
I`m at my most cardio when I am moving the treadmill into storage