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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
Some of the nicest women you`ll meet on Facebook are men.
Slut: desirable woman who has sex with someone other than yourself.
I was an adult once. Then I opened a Facebook account.
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
When I think of you I touch myself ... On my temples ... You give me a migraine.
I’m on that new diet where you eat everything and hope for a miracle!
I don`t know why I don`t buy more piñatas. Like right now I would love to beat the shit out of something and then eat a bunch of candy.
People who wait 4 hours to reply to my text with "lol" should be shot.
I`d share my Netflix login but I`m too embarrassed by "My List".
It`s everyone`s favorite holiday season where we try to guess if that was a firework or gunshot
Sometimes a special someone walks right into your life and helps you realize how much better your life was before they walked into it.
If you ever think someone’s too cute to talk to just remember that they poop too.
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.