Daily Silly Status

Anyone else wake up in a grass skirt and coconut bra?

If people are what they eat, some people must eat a lot of stupid.

I`m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.

I need plastic surgery to fix whatever it is about my face that gives people the impression I want to hear about their relationship problems.

My girlfriend would be so mad if he found out that I`m telling people she`s my girlfriend.

I`m glad people are exercising but I want to see cooler activities posted on FB. Like "I spent 1 hour wrestling a bear. 110 calories burned."

If you´re a millionaire and you don´t have trampoline floors or a giant slide that goes from your bed to an olympic sized indoor pool, then you should just give me all of your money because you´re wasting it.

This generation is guilty of making the wrong people rich and famous.

When I procrastinate, current me really expects a lot out of future me.

Clearly, it is wrong to describe woman`s menopause as "the old Fallopian tubes finally rusting shut." My bad.

75% of women in open relationships don`t actually know it yet.

If you think my status updates are ridiculous you should see my life choices

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else...

Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I know where you can buy drugs"

Leaving a watermelon on someone’s doorstep in the middle of night is a pretty inexpensive way to occupy a portion of their mind forever.