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I just had a conversation with my-self...but it just turned into an argument. I think it`s that time of the month...
To all them girls who go out , looking sexy as hell but have boyfriends.......Please continue to do so when you`re married.
Sometimes “Girl`s night out” means she has just taken her bra off
Why do crutons come in resealable bags? Are we really worried about them going stale?
Aren`t you too fat to be this rude?
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
Can only please one person a day. Today isn’t your day
As an adult, I’m not eating nearly as much ice cream as 10 year old me thought I would.
If you ever feel sad remember that there’s a number you can call and a pizza will be there in 30 minutes.
If you’re happy and you know it, you’re probably exhausting to be around.
The only time I hit the panic button on my car keys is accidentally, and the only person who panics is me.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
When you’re a kid, you hate those moments when there is absolutely nothing to do. As an adult, you live for them.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
I never drink unless I am alone or with somebody.