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Just for fun, next time you see a snooty, rich woman at the grocery store, ask her if she works there.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say, “Close Enough.”
I don`t have an inner child. I have an inner old person who wants everyone to shut up.
You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she pours gasoline around your car.
When bears are around, try to look skinny and they won`t eat you. If that doesn`t work, kick your buddy in the nuts and RUN!
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don’t even know it.
Please don`t mistake my personality for flirting. Just because I`m awesome doesn`t mean I like you.
We`re all just nudists in disguise...
Whenever I feel all alone in the world, I remind myself that I`m a valued customer at several grocery stores.
Firemen must dread the moment when they`re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
The early bird needs a punch in the throat.
I didn`t see anyone important today, so I`ll probably wear these same clothes tomorrow.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
I really have to stop using this little microphone on my phone that types whatever you say as it keeps making mistakes punctuation point