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I read "Do not believe everything you read." Now I`m not sure whether to believe this or not.
How to create a weight-loss program: (1) Take a before picture. (2) Eat like a pig. (3) Take an after picture. (4) Switch the pictures.
Here`s $30. Drink until I am really good looking, then come and talk to me.
My Viagra addiction was the hardest time of my life.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
I was shocked when I heard the local Radio Shack is closing. Mostly because I had no idea we had one.
I don`t think America should elect a president in 2016. We need to be single for a few years and find ourselves.
Iām the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
I think I need to lose some weight. I tried to sit up earlier and ended up rocking myself to sleep
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I just saw a guy take a bite of Kit Kat bar without breaking it apart first! Sir, we live in a society with rules, please adhere to them.
My head hurts, I think my horns are coming in...
Coca Cola: Because drinking black water seems like a solid life choice.
Of course China is dominating the olympics, they probably made all of the equipment.
I`m glad I don`t work in an office. I can only imagine the smell at lunch time when everybody opens their egg salad sandwiches today.