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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
Corn mazes are great because how often does one get to experience the feeling of being trapped by corn
if there wasn´t a last minute I´d never get anything done.
I did responsible things all day so tonight will consist of nothing that even resembles responsibility.
Judging by all the cracking and popping noises my body makes when I work out, I`d say I`m about 74% Rice Krispies.
New word of the day: Stupidiot!!
To clear a pop-up ad online, I was just forced to agree that "I don`t care about being healthy and smelling clean."
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: `Why am I talking to myself?`
Nothing makes you feel more insignificant than still having 85% battery at noon.
I get very nervous out when my Subway sandwich moves up the crowded assembly line without me.
I hate when people call me and ask "WHO IS THIS?"
9 out of 10 times, if you call the 1-800 number printed on a consumer product, the person who answers won`t tell you what they`re wearing.
I`m not sure who`s more drunk, me or the guy wrapped in Christmas lights standing in the mirror.
Does running away from your problems count as exercising? If it is, then I`m one hell of a fitness freak
Is your family tree a cactus? Because everyone on it is a prick.