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I was driving to work this morning and saw a bumper sticker that said, "Jesus is the answer." A few minutes later I saw another bumper sticker that said, "Who farted?" That was the best game of Highway Jeopardy ever!
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Is it wrong to tell a knock knock joke to a homeless person ?
I just got off the couch and I think I accidentally did yoga or some $hit.
If it weren’t for physics and law enforcement, I’d be unstoppable.
If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
Today’s Horoscope: You’re gullible
I love arguing with you so much, I`ll bring a Ouija board to your funeral.
Sometimes I like to lie in bed, stare at the ceiling and think what it would be like to stare at other ceilings.
"The more the merrier": My excuse for extra food.
i was sooo funny i cracked me off.......
I didn`t have access to Facebook for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Pretty busy today. Was only able to check my phone 1400 times.
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn`t come back, what you`ve lost is a normal pigeon.
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.