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Change of plans everyone: NOBODY Wang Chung tonight.
People hate the truth. Luckily, the Truth doesn`t give a $#!t.
My spirit animal is that chicken who keeps crossing the road for reasons no one can figure.
I would explain it to you again, but I am fresh out of puppets and crayons.
I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
Maybe the reason Uncle Phil hated Will was because the first thing Will gave him was a $3700 cab ride bill from Philly to Bel-Air.
Why do medications always have side effects like `anal leakage` & `suicidal thoughts`? Why not `invisibility` or `spontaneous orgasms`?
I don’t care how high you set the bar as long as I can reach my drink.
Do these people in movies who wander off into the woods alone at night not watch movies?
I turned out ok for a kid raised in a large part by Bugs Bunny.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....
Don`t understand how you can forget about someone you loved so much. Like that time my mum drove off and left me in the supermarket car park
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m