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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
Funny how things change with time, I used to hate spankings.. ;)
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Hang out with different people everyday so the only person who knows you`ve been wearing the same outfit all week is you.
You`d think he`d be better at this with all the porn he watches
why would i ever pay to go to a nascar event when i could get drunk beside the interstate and cheer for cars for free
That awkward moment when Adele finds someone like me
Have you ever said something and immediately thought “I didn’t know I knew that."
Don`t think I didn`t notice that you deleted your status when no one Liked it.
Putting on deoderant and colonge because you haven`t showered in days, is as about as useful as shutting the lid on a toilet after its overflowing.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
If I drove a UPS truck there’s a 100% chance I would fall out of the truck when I turned corners.
I wonder if New York people find it weird to watch their own city being destroyed in Hollywood movies so many times..!!
There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.